Heartbreak and Life
by Sora Hoshi
Summary: Heero has left for the final time. Duo can't handle it. Will Quatre get there in time or will everything be smashed to pieces by the death of one of their own? 01x02 and 03x04  If you know my writing, you know the answer to the "is  there death" question.
1. Chapter 1

**Title:** Heartbreak and Life

**Author: **Sora Hoshi

**Universe:** Gundam Wing A/C

**Rating:** T

**Couple:** Heero(01) x Duo(02)

**Warnings & Timeline: **Swearing, attempted suicide scene, mentions of rape, OOCness, Post-War by…3 years maybe? Time line in story cover's about 3 years. **Three-shot.**

**Disclaimer: **I do not own Gundam Wing. If I did, the Gundam's would still be around, Quatre would be ruling the world, and Relena would be locked away in a psycho ward!

**Summary:** Heero has left for the final time. Duo can't handle it. Will Quatre get there in time or will everything be smashed to pieces by the death of one of their own? 01x02, 03x04, 05 is in here, but no romance for him! (Sorry!)

o...X...o

**Chapter 1**

_We're over Duo. This just…it isn't working out._

_It's over._

_Over._

_Over._

_Over._

Duo couldn't concentrate. It had been three days since Heero had left forever. He'd kept his promise to the princess and went off to rescue her again. Their fights always seemed to revolve around Relena Peacecraft and Duo's issues with her. It was never Heero's fault for leaving, of course he couldn't say no. Not ever. Not on their first year anniversary, Quatre and Trowa's wedding… A choked sob shoved it's way out of his throat, rocking his whole body back and forth in one move.

He couldn't handle this. The emptiness he felt now. Heero used to cover it up…when he was there. But now he was gone. Forever.

_Over._

_Over._

_Over._

Duo had thought long and hard these past few days, wondering what he should do. Wufei was busy with the Preventer's, he couldn't bother him. Quatre and Trowa were off to a summit meeting. Hilde was on L2, cleaning up the streets with a lot of the older street rats. Heero had convinced him to live here on Earth and now he was regretting his agreement. The anti-depressant pills were looking more and more welcoming, but he couldn't leave. If Heero came back…he had to fix this. He had to…but he couldn't. Heero was gone. Long gone. Probably off protecting the Pink Panic again.

Looking at the bottle of Tricyclic antidepressants, he sighed and got to work. Writing out a note to Quatre was the easiest, yet hardest thing he had ever had to do.

_Hey Q-ball,_

_Sorry to do this to you. I know you'll blame yourself, but don't. Don't blame__ Heero, don't blame anyone. This was _my choice_. I'm giving you my things, if anyone wants something specific, let them have it if you don't want it. Trowa does get my knives sets though. He can give them others if he likes, but…careful there are a few G-sets I made personally but never told anyone about. The metal came from all of our buddies. You know what I'm talking about. Everything you don't want to keep, give to Hilde on L2. She'll know what to do with it to put it to use._

_Please don't blame yourself. I just…I can't handle it Quatre. He's gone. I can't-he's gone. There's nothing I can do. I'm so sorry Quatre. I know I'm taking the cowards way out. Curse me, yell at my memory, but don't blame yourself, don't cry Q._

_Live for me, please?_

_I never got to go to the beach. Do that with Trowa for me, will you? Spend a day there-just the two of you. Go swimming with the sharks, scuba in the Australian Coral Reef, hang-glide in the Grand Canyon. Scream from the top of a mountain in the Alps. Just…don't mourn me Quatre._

_I'm happy I'm finally moving on. Really. You knew what happened at Oz. You know I have issues from my childhood. To me, it's a relief._

_Heero was the band-aid, but my bandage had to be taken off at some point. Don't blame him. I knew it was important for the Pink Princess to be guarded. I accepted that. Please Quatre, don't blame him. Blame me for not being strong enough, just don't blame Heero. He was there for me for the longest time, helping me heal some. I knew he would grow tired of it sooner or later. It just turned out to be sooner than I thought._

_I love you Kitty-Quat. I love Trowa and Wufei and most of all Heero. Please don't mourn. Don't ask why. Please. I don't want you to be too sad, but I know you will be, if only a bit. Please don't cry to much._

_Thanks for everything Quatre Rebarba Winner. I love you like a brother, and always will._

_Duo "Shinigami" Maxwell  
>L2's own Maxwell's Demon<em>

It took two hours and so many different drafts Duo lost count, but he finally finished the letter. It was serious, a tone he almost never used, but he couldn't bring himself to put a happy note into it. Relief and shame were riddled throughout him, but he couldn't handle it. Tear drops smeared all of the notes, but he managed to keep the final one mostly clean of his tears. There were only five smudges. _Five Pilots. Five Gundams._ His mind listed to him as he wrote Quatre's name on the front and set the letter on the table underneath the coaster he was going to set his glass on once he drank down the cocktail.

He poured a glass of water, crushed the pills and put the powder inside. It took him a half hour to work up the nerve to down the glass, wrinkling his nose at the smell of the contaminated drink. Everything was neat, just as neat as when Heero arrived and left five…or was it seven?...days ago.

He laid back on the couch where the TV was, the room was dark and cold, the air-conditioning buzzing as his mind grew dark. Closing his eyes to the world so he didn't see his vision darkening, he drifted off to sleep, knowing it was one he would never wake up from.

o…X…o

Okay…don't know where this came from. **What do you guys think? ****Should I continue or should I leave the story to end like that? **I just…had this bunny pop into my head as I was writing one of my reports for college… If I do continue this fic, it'll get better, won't have a bad ending, but **I need reviews in order to know**. So please review!

Sorry for the silence guys. It's been kinda…insane over here. My computer crashed and I lost a lot of stuff. I had to take it to a specialty computer repair shop in order to get most everything back. Technically I'm supposed to be writing a research essay for one of my college classes at the moment, but this just started to pour out instead when I was supposed to start writing the essay on my word program.

Hopefully I'll be finishing up the next chapter to **The New Ally** or **The Hidden Broken Girl** soon, but no promises. I've got to reedit the next chapter of **My Crazy Ninja and Gundam Family** but I'm hoping to get that posted soon as well. Sorry for the silence everyone! *bows in apology*

To my steady readers/reviewers thank you for your continued support and to my new readers/reviewers, I hope you enjoy this story.

Laters!  
>-Sora-<p> 


	2. Chapter 2

Disclaimer, and all other information is located in the first chapter!

o…X…o

Quatre frowned when he didn't hear movement inside. He knew Duo was home because none of the doormen had seen him leave. They were watching because Heero had requested it for some reason no one could explain. Duo was supposed to come over that night for dinner and he was here to pick him up.

Sighing he unlocked the door and shivered from the gust of super cold air brushing against him. "Duo?" He called out, worry starting to seep into him as he tried to feel for his friend with his space-heart. He left the door open and walked inside. "Duo?" He said again, panic starting to take hold.

Walking into the living room, he flicked on the light and stopped. "DUO!" He screamed, running over to his friend. The rise and fall of his chest was so slight he could barely see it. A thin tee-shirt and pants covered his frame. A glass was set on the table next to him. Dialing the emergency line, he ordered them to get up to Duo's apartment, telling them the address quickly. Sniffing the glass, he figured out what happened. The small bottle of antidepressants helped him connect the rest of the dots. "He overdosed on antidepressants…" He murmured in shock, the woman on the other end of the line hearing it. She told him to hold and started to list the information she knew to the nearest response team.

"Oh Allah…Duo…" He whispered in a broken voice. Hopefully because of the cold, his body hadn't absorbed too much of the drug. The emergency response team arrived quickly, spotting the open door.

They went to work in a flash. Charcoal water was poured down his throat and they encouraged the unconscious teen to puke it all up before pouring down more. By the time they got downstairs, Quatre had shoved his emotions into a box. Grabbing the letter with his name on it, he hid it in his inside pocket of his business suit's coat. He called his husband and told him to get to the hospital before hanging up with no explanation. He called Wufei and treated him the same way, before finally calling Une.

"I don't care what you have to do. Keep this off the news." He hissed when she voiced her concerns and doubts.

"_But Quatre-"_ Une started in on the other line, only to be cut off.

"No buts. Do it." He snarled before hanging up. He was riding in the back of the ambulance, Duo's too still body next to him. _Please Allah, please. Duo shouldn't die yet. It's not his time. He's given so much. Please._ He whispered silently, staring at the pale face of his best friend and adopted brother as the paramedics worked quickly to save his life.

…

Five hours later and Duo was in the safe zone. Luckily, the cold air and lack of food or water for the past six days had pushed his stomach to the limits and with the tainted drug inside, it had rebelled at absorbing anything but a little of the drug. Only Duo's conscious refusal to throw up made it so the drugs were still in his stomach. The cause for real concern, was the amount of the drug that had been inside his stomach. The doctor was recommending only juice and broth when the small teen woke up, not stating a projected date when he would be off the bland diet. Quatre had promptly burst into tears when he had first heard the news, he was calm for the most part now, but Trowa still had his arms wrapped around his husband to stop them from shaking too much. Four hours into the wait for news, Quatre had remembered the letter, which as they read it, had truly scared them all.

Quatre was pissed at Heero. Zero was planning some very nasty instances if he showed up, but no one had truly thought to call him. Especially since Heero had told them not to a week ago and to wait until he called. Apparently, Relena was more important.

Wufei was in shock. He had read the letter, the same as Trowa, but couldn't comprehend everything as of yet. At the moment, his mind was stuck on Oz and _what they did._ He now knew it was worse than Duo had ever mentioned. Heero may have rescued the American, but Quatre had nursed him back to health.

The schedule was decided. One of the three would stay with Duo's unconscious form at all times. Quatre had ordered the VIP hospital suite for Duo, saying he would be paying for everything. They were just hoping he'd wake up soon. Quatre and Trowa went home to prepare a room, catch some sleep and freshen up while Wufei took first watch. Trowa would pick up Wufei as he dropped Quatre off, going home with the Asian so he wasn't alone either.

When it was Trowa's turn, Wufei would go home with Quatre. No one wanted to be alone when they slept at this point. Quatre had asked a couple of his most trusted sister's to take over Winner Enterprises for him for a couple of weeks, telling them about Duo's condition. The two sister's he chose immediately said yes, telling him not to worry and they would take care of everything with the business. They'd call him if they had any specific questions, but he knew that Rashid would be called before him.

o…X…o

Duo's eyes blinked open and he looked around in confusion, not remembering what was happening. A choked "Duo!" and a sob told him the weight that was suddenly on top of his chest was Quatre. Then he remembered. He closed his eyes in defeat and two tears leaked out from underneath.

"Quat…Quatre…I need some water." He said in a raspy voice, grimacing at the feeling of an IV needle stuck inside his arm. _I failed. Oh God I failed. Why? Why God? Why can't I sleep? Is it so wrong of me to want peace?_ He begged silently for answers that wouldn't come. He didn't want to look at his friend.

"I'm so sorry Duo! I'm so sorry! If only Trowa and I had gotten home a day earlier! You wouldn't have…oh Allah Duo! I'm sorry!" Quatre broke down finally, feeling the emotions his friend was going through.

Shock rushed through him, not Quatre. Quatre was never to blame. "Quat. Don't. I just. You read my note?" He asked and continued at the nod. "I can't handle it Quatre. Heero was the only thing that was keeping me together. I knew this. I knew when he left that it was the last time he would be back. He'd been slowly emptying the apartment of all of his things. Leaving them at Relena's mansion. I already knew what was happening." He whispered, taking a few sips of water throughout the sentences.

"Still Duo. I should have paid more attention. I could have-" Quatre said, as Duo shook his head weakly.

"I masked them so you wouldn't know." He said, as his eyes closed again and he fell back into the darkness.

Thus the changes in shifts began. Day and night one of the three pilots stayed with the former street urchin. A few days later, during Wufei's shift, Relena walked in. Duo was up as he was usually for the most part, and she asked Pilot 05 to step outside for a moment. Seeing as Relena had never been rude to him before, he thought Relena couldn't harm a fly.

How wrong he was.

As soon as the door shut, she dropped her cheerful mask. "Why couldn't you have just died properly? Then Heero wouldn't have to suffer through holding your hand any longer! He deserves to be with me, I love him and he loves me! Not some street rat from L2! Why do you think he guards me all the time? Even now, he guards me. He's standing outside with the car, too embarrassed to come in." She hissed out viciously, Duo in too much of shock to protest what she was saying. Her blind delusions of Heero Yuy look-alike children, were still dancing through her head. She just _knew_ her Heero loved her. In truth, he was standing outside the hospital with the car, but he didn't know who Relena was visiting inside the local hospital near where he used to live.

She walked out, not waiting for a response and Wufei walked back in, only to take one look at Duo and call Quatre. "Duo. Duo!" He said, touching his friend lightly on the arm.

The teen in the hospital bed was pale, his now dull eyes showing a more-than-partially dead soul. He didn't respond to any of Wufei's desperate pleas, his mind blank as the Pink Panic's words echoed through his head. Wufei had called the nurse assigned to Duo and the other two pilots, knowing something serious had happened.

Ten minutes later, Quatre rushed through the doors, Trowa not far behind him. "What happened Wufei?" He said in a worried voice, going straight to Duo's side, sitting on the bed as his arms encircled his catatonic friend. He opened his space-heart to the emotions Duo was feeling, biting back a pained moan from pain that washed over him as he did. Slowly he worked to somewhat disburse the guilt, horror, grief and betrayal that poured from his friend like the ocean tides.

"Relena came. She just said she wanted to tell Duo of her relief at Duo's still-living condition in private, referencing vaguely about misunderstandings she wanted to clear up and apologize for as well." He said, swallowing. "When I came back in, he was like this. …I should have never let her see him alone." He finished bitterly, jumping slightly when Trowa touched his shoulder.

"You couldn't have known. She's always been so polite to us at every meeting we've seen her at. She always asked about our health and happiness." He murmured quietly, quickly turning his attention to the bed where a startled gasp was heard.

"…Quat?" Duo said vaguely, his eyes blinking slowly. "Why are you here? You just left, before Relena…" His voice trailed off as Relena's voice echoed inside his head again, forcing the emotions he felt back to the surface.

"No. Duo! Come back Duo." Quatre whispered, drawing Duo's emotions elsewhere. "I was just worried." He added as he carefully watched the his friends emotions come back under his control. Whatever Relena had said, it had damaged Duo's psyche, something they would have to talk about and plan for. Quatre sighed in relief and settled down next to his friend, gripping his hand tightly, not wanting to let go.

A week later, Duo was up for most of the day, but he did catch himself falling asleep once or twice. The doctors had reluctantly agreed to release him into Quatre's charge, whatever the blond had said to them had made them agree, even if they were rather pale by the end of his little rant.

The next day, Trowa, Wufei and Quatre had come to pick him up with street clothes. He knew everything in the apartment had been moved to Quatre's house, but only because the Winner Head had told him.

o…X…o

Okay, second chapter is up! One more chapter and the fic is done. If anyone spots plotholes, things that need to be explained more in the fic (which I could possibly add to by extending the fic a bit or adding to a chapter...), issues with words or grammar, anything wrong with the fic in general-please review! It helps to know those things are wrong. And even if you think someone else has reviewed about an issue you spotted, most likely, no one has!

So. Praise is always appreciated. (It feeds my muse so it's always a good thing-my muse helps me write!) In depth reviews are looked at with awe and will always get a resonse-as well as anyone who reviews to tell me if something is wrong with my fic.

Laters!  
>-Sora-<p> 


	3. Chapter 3

Disclaimer, and all other information is located in the first chapter!

o…X…o

A week; then a month; then a half a year rolled by since Duo's was released from the hospital, before Heero decided to finally contact Quatre, who promptly screamed at the Japanese teen for ten minutes and hung up on him. He waited to call back the next day and tried again. He wanted to know how Duo was, as the people he asked to watch the American reported that Duo hadn't been back since the first week since he had left.

Finally, he broke down and asked Relena to extend a formal invitation the other pilots to the celebratory ball, not stating the reasons behind it. The former queen had looked at him in a worried manner, but agreed to, none-the-less. Because it was a formal invitation, Quatre had to accept, and Trowa and Wufei weren't going to leave him on his own. All three had an idea of what was coming.

She asked around and found out the other four were living in one of Quatre's houses, moving as they pleased around the Sphere and the colonies. Some was for Quatre's work, but other moves were for pleasure.

Two weeks later and the ball came. Quatre, Trowa and Wufei showed up, stating Duo wasn't feeling well at the time. The only reason they were there was because of the formal invitation and how bad it would look if they didn't show up. They dodged Heero's questions and avoided him as best they could, but some of it wasn't avoidable. Heero caught them as they were getting into the car, and Quatre finally broke his silence.

"Oh yeah? And where were you almost seven months ago when we tried to contact you? When we needed you? You were off protecting what you found to be more important you bastard, and she's not even worth your spit. You weren't there when-murf murfle mff…" He shot back hotly to Heero's questions, Trowa's hand finally covering his mouth before he could say anything too damaging. They didn't want Heero to find out about Duo-if only by the braided 'baka's' request.

Heero recoiled back, shock, confusion and hurt plastered across his features at Quatre's unusually harsh words. The trio left without another word, sliding into the car that was next to them and driving off. A week later, and every week following, Heero tried to contact one of them, receiving short answers in clipped voices, showing just how mad they were. He still hadn't talked to Duo.

A year later, the next ball was held and the pilot's were officially invited again.

Duo hid behind Trowa and Quatre, Wufei shielding him from the rest of the crowd. He silently thanked whoever was listening for being so short due to the streets. He was never more thankful for it.

When Heero finally spotted of the other pilots, his eyes focused only on the short head of his ex-lover. His breath caught when he got a clear view of Duo. His braid was shorter than before, only down to the bottom of his back instead of to the bottom of his thighs. His form was thinner, and paler than before. His smile was less bright, still there, but…something was missing. He was dressed in an absolutely stunning suit, showing off his violet eyes for the whole room. However…there was a shadow that wasn't there the last time he saw him.

_Did I do this? By leaving, did I cause Duo this pain?_ He asked silently, wondering. He kept his eyes on the smallest pilot and when he saw him escape to the gardens outside, unnoticed by the rest of the crowd, he followed.

Duo was leaning against the thick stone railing of the ballroom's veranda. He looked over the gardens, watching the moonlight bounce off the splashing water, the roses illuminated by tastefully dim lights. He had drank a little pop, but even a year after his suicide attempt, his body still tried to eject some of the harsher drinks, such as alcohol in large quantities.

"Duo." A voice breathed behind him, making him almost drop his glass in shock. If anything, he'd thought his ex would be trying to avoid him, not seek him out. Pushing back the tears that had gathered in his eyes at the sound of the voice he still loved even after all this time, he swallowed.

"Heero." Duo's voice reached out in greeting and seemed to caress the Asian. Heero's eyes drifted closed, his mind centered on how much he had longed to hear that voice and how much he had missed it.

"How have you been?" The dark brunette asked in his monotone voice, emotion leaking into his words even as he tried to keep it out. Duo identified longing, sadness, hope, and love before he could stop himself from dissecting what he heard.

"…fine. Yourself?" He answered back, still facing away from the stocky form.

"Missing you."

Duo's form stiffened at those words. As arms encircled him, he shivered. He didn't want this! He had finally started to get over Heero and now he was going to get pulled back under the waves by whatever was pulling at his heart. His breath caught as he felt a kiss against the back of his neck. "Stop." He said weakly, trying to push Heero's arms away from him. Hurt colored his tone, making Heero immediately draw back.

"What happened Duo?" He demanded to know immediately, wondering what could have made that tone enter his fellow pilot's voice.

"You left." The long haired young man whispered finally, breaking away while shock settled into the taller man's form.

Duo darted back into the room, finding Quatre immediately. "I want to go home now." He whispered quietly, knowing the blond would catch the words and feel his emotions.

Quatre immediately broke etiquette and hastily said good-bye in the middle of his discussion. Trowa was with him and Wufei drifted over at his signal. The four left immediately, not stopping to say anything to the Pink Princess-who had been trying to catch one of them all night for some reason.

Duo rode back in silence, the other three watching him warily to see if there were any more signs of another breakdown. For the first month he had got back from the hospital, Duo had taken up cutting in places that couldn't be seen, like his upper thighs. Quatre had caught on quick enough because of his space-heart, and with some help from a sociologist and a psychologist, he was back to normal for the most part.

Everyone had been worried about Duo seeing Heero for the first time tonight, two years after the incident that had scared all of his friends. Duo had insisted that he would be fine, but no one could stop the dread they were feeling in the pit of their stomachs.

Days passed and nothing happened, making most relax and breathe a sigh of relief. Then, Heero appeared at the front door, a determined look on his face and a bag in his hand.

"If you don't mind Quatre…I'd like to stay for a few days." He requested politely. The aquamarine eyed young man frowned and searched through his emotions before finally nodding reluctantly in acceptance.

That night Heero found Duo back outside in the gardens behind their most recent house.

"When I left…what happened Duo? Something happened." Heero said bluntly, yet in a soft voice as he slid onto the bench next to his ex.

"…I OD'd on antidepressants. Quatre found me. Barely in time." The American finally managed to whisper. Heero choked and a shocked breath in the form of a gasp escaped his lips, "I…a lot happened before and during the war Heero. You were what was holding me together to that point. I could handle you leaving. Hell I could handle you being with the Pink Panic on extended periods of time, but…when you said that you weren't coming back…" Duo trailed off, getting lost in the memories.

"Duo…I…I didn't mean to cause you pain. It was just…I was gone so _much_. I didn't think it was right of me to hold on to you." He whispered, his mind trying to come to terms with Duo's almost death.

"And what Heero? You could have talked to me. Told me about this! We could have worked through it! But you! You just left! You just walked out the door, didn't give any reasons other than, 'it's not working out' and left! Look…I know there were secrets, hell when I was captured by Oz I was raped and didn't tell you-" a muffled sound of shock was heard from next to him, but he wasn't finished. "but _you just left_." He finished, a sob catching in his throat. Arms surrounded him and his head rested on Heero's shoulder. Vaguely he felt wetness seep into his clothes, but he was so wrapped up in the pain he was feeling to say anything else.

"I'm sorry Duo. I'm so, so sorry." Heero was whispering over and over again. Silence descended and the crickets and buzzing of bugs sounded throughout the garden, being the only noise they could hear for awhile.

Drawing back, Heero turned Duo around. "I still loved you, even when I walked out the door. I still love you, even now." He said, using his finger to lift his ex-boyfriend's head and lock eyes with him.

"I don't think I ever stopped. Even when I was falling asleep from the drugs, healing from being so stupid, these past two years… And the worst part is, I can't even make myself blame you for any of what happened." Duo finally confessed, a tear racing down the side of his face. Heero wiped it off, drawing the long haired young man closer.

A soft brush of lips against lips met in the silence, eyes locked on the other throughout. The two drew back, watching the other before one finally broke the quiet.

"Do you think…do you think we could try again? I resigned from being Relena's bodyguard yesterday. I missed you too much and even she realized it eventually. I haven't been the same since I left you, and she encouraged me to leave to find you again finally. She said something about guilt…I couldn't catch the exact words before the door shut." Heero finally said, his eyes showing everything he couldn't voice.

"I…I don't think we can have the same relationship we once had, but…I'd like to try again." Duo admitted after reading his eyes for a few minutes. A small smile appeared on Heero's lips, making a grin blossom on Duo's.

The two stood, lacing their hands together in a familiar, yet so _different_ way, walking inside to break the news to their friends. It was a new beginning for the both, one they knew would be different than the ending of the last.

_Fin._

o…X…o

Hope you enjoyed this fic! Please let me know your thoughts by clicking the button below! Reviews feed my muse and right now she's starving! lol Wish me luck on my other fics!

Laters!  
>-Sora-<p> 


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